A man shall leave his mother and father to join a wife, and they become one flesh Genesis 2:24.
Marriage is a divine command binding a man and a woman to form a higher social status. It is the manner God uses to procreate humanity. It is also the means society has of teaching new citizens to live harmoniously in society, a process called socialization. Five successive steps are included in forming a marriage and consequently the family. These are:
Meeting
Friendship
Falling in love
Engagement
Marriage
FICTIONAL EXAMPLES
The following fictional examples are intended to show the way conjugal relations begin and develop. The importance of studying such development is watching from afar the factors playing to bring together two strangers to form a marriage couple.
Bill and Bella
Bill and Bella have developed a happy marriage couple, forming a union admired by family and friends alike. What brought this couple together to form this ideal marriage? Both Bill and Bella had difficult young lives. Bill grew up with three siblings in a very poor home. His father was a laborer. He spent much of his meager weekly pay in the bars he frequented most everyday. Money needed to pay for the daily necessities of the family went to pay for his father's vice. There was little food in the household. At age five, Bill already begged food for him and his family at the kitchens of local restaurants. Bill’s mother got second hand clothing for the family through charity organizations. Bill shined shoes in the local plazas of the city where he lived. Frequently, Bill slept in the streets rather than going home to be abused by his drunken father and witness this man’s mistreatment of is mother and siblings.
In spite of the difficult conditions Bill grew up under, his mother had him attend school regularly. His teacher got him an after-school carpentry apprenticeship. And although, his trade teacher was hard on Bill, the boy stayed in the program, eventually becoming a master carpenter.
Bella’s life was yet more precarious. Bella was reared by her grandmother, as her parents did not want her at all. The grandmother was the widower of a lather operator who lost his life in an accident at work. Grandma’s income was limited to the small pension she got from the husband’s former employer. Both Bella and her grandma lived in a one bedroom apartment in a tenement house in a very poor neighborhood near where Bill lived. Like Bill, Bella also begged food at the local restaurants, where she met the boy. And like Bill, most of the time Bella slept in the streets to avoid the wrath of her grandma. Although the grandma forced Bella to go to school, neither the girl’s lack of desire to learn nor her natural abilities allowed her to prosper in school.
Both youngsters had hard times growing up. United by their fate, eventually Bill and Bella fell in love and decided to be married and live together the rest of their lives. And the union was successful, forming a family crowned by the fruit of their love in the persons of their children, two boys and two girls.
Analysis.
What made the marriage of Bill and Bella so successful? What were the factors uniting the couple? Bill and Bella met as children when both tried to survive in the city streets. United by fate, soon they became good friends and confidants. The years went by. Finally, they got in love and decided to cast their lots together. He worked in the carpentry shop of a fine furniture store. She worked in a lady's garment factory. Life was going well for them, and they were happy with their children.
Six factors united Bill and Bella with great bonds of affinity.
Need to survival Mutual attraction A close friendship Common trustworthiness A solid marriage Four wonderful children
Survival is a basic human need. The newborn needs the loving care of the natural or adoptive parents. Children not having such care from the parents look for this affection elsewhere. Children growing up in the streets, such as Bill and Bella, develop deep friendships with other children of like fate. They become mutual counselors. They share the hurt caused by the abandonment of their parents. Together, they protect themselves from the older ones who pray on them. They share the meager food they are able to collect and the limited possessions they have. Many struggle to be honorable amidst the miserable environment forcing them to steal. They encourage each other to go on, as they build barriers around them for protection.
Carl and Cathy
Carl and Cathy had a happy marriage. He is the CEO of his own business. She works in a local law firm. The couple has four children, one girl and three boys. The boys are in high school and the girl in middle school. They love and obey their parents in response to the love ad affection of Carl and Cathy.
Carl and Cathy were born and grew up in different mid-size cities, two hundred miles apart. Both come from well-off families. The couple met at a party of a mutual friend in a third city some one hundred miles away. Cathy was 22 and Carl 23 years old when they met.
Carl and Cathy were introduced to each another by a mutual friend. They liked one another and began a conversation on the usual trivialities two people talk about when they first meet. They talked, danced and ate together. They explored their lives, coming from similar cultural backgrounds.
Carl and Cathy talked much about their aspirations. She was a first-year law student at the university of the city where she lived with her parents. He was a second-year engineer student at the university of his city, where he lived with his parents. Before leaving the party, Cathy and Carl agreed to meet two weeks later in Cathy’s city at a cultural festival.
On the weekend in question, at the exact hour, Carl went to Cathy’s home to meet her family. He was well received; and after a thirty minute visit, accompanied by her mother and sister, the couple went to the cultural event. All four spent a terrific time together. Back at Cathy’s home and before Carl left, Cathy and Carl agreed to meet at some future similar occasion.
Actually, the trips of Carl to visit Cathy became regular events. Six moths later, Carl talked to Cathy’s father about their decision to become engaged to be married after both graduated and Carl had gotten a job working in his selected profession. Both families met and were most agreeable to what was taking place. And the time of engagement were happy days. Finally, Carl and Cathy were married as planned, and their lives together were blessed by the arrival of heir children who came to cement the already well bonded relations.
Analysis.
What made the marriage of Carl and Cathy so successful? What were the factors uniting the couple? Carl and Cathy met when both were introduced by a mutual friend at party of educationally and culturally similar folks. They liked each other. They found further commonalities in subsequent visits. Not having disparities in character, education and family background, Carl and Cathy decided to form a family of their own.
Six factors united Carl and Cathy with great bonds of affinity.
Mutual attraction Cultural communality A close friendship Common trustworthiness A solid plan for engagement and marriage Wonderful children
Conclusion
The factors uniting Bill and Bella and Carl and Cathy differed historically. The first couple is the product of precarious conditions in a disintegrated, dysfunctional, abusive family lacking all kinds of resources. The second resulted from a well-integrated, functional, loving, happy family with plenty of resources to make life a pleasant advent
In couples like Bill and Bella deciding to get marry, their union would be so solid that not anything or anybody would be able to affect them undesirably. And the resulting children of these unions would be so loved by heir parents that the circumstances under which the couple develop will not repeat itself in their offspring.
In couples like Carl and Cathy, this ideal would be much stronger. For the lives of these couples would not be embittered by the bad experiences of their formative years. Instead, coming from an ambiance socially and culturally rich and a well-to-do economic position of the middle-class, the chances of producing a more solid family would be even greater. __________ Please, take a moment and write me a note telling my how helpful this article has been to you. Click on the CCCC button and e-mail us.