By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established Proverbs 24:3
In the democratic societies of the Western World, the ways of life of each society derives from the religious writings of the Judeo-Christian tradition. The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:1-10) set the foundation for the development of the laws of these lands. Laws vary from setting simple municipal ordinances to establishing entire judicial systems to regulate conduct in society.
Marriage regulations come from even before the Ten Commandments were issued. Genesis 2:24 sets the tone. It reads as follows: “…Man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.” At marriage, man and woman entered into a covenant giving them a higher status. In Jewish and early Christian communities, marriage commitments were taken seriously. The participants exchanged clear and firm vows. The two partners made promises to each other to be mutually loyal in all circumstances throughout life until separated by death. To this day, marriage has had three basic functions. Well developed, these functions do much toward building mutuality an intimacy in couples. Here these are along with a short explanation of each:
• Companionship • Procreation • Socialization
Companionship: The primary function of the family through the ages has been companionship. According to Genesis, God created the male of the human specie first. But finding him to be incomplete, God created a female counterpart to satisfy human loneliness (see Genesis 2:7, 18-23). According to the text, man and woman lived together a harmonious, happy life in fellowship with their Maker before they offended Him and created separation between the human and the divine. The main ingredient making this binding relationship possible was affection. Man liked woman, and woman liked man.
Affection is the beginning fondness that grows to become love. And love continues to develop as couples share their lives together, enjoying similarities, resolving disagreements resulting from the uniqueness of personal outlooks on life and working together to meet the challenges of everyday life.
Procreation: The second function of the family appears right away. It is procreation (see Genesis 1:27- 28). God created the first couple, and now it is their job to create other human beings. The Creator made the sexual act a healthy fun time, when married couples communicate legitimately their ultimate expression of unity. To this day, the human capacity of mutual sexual affection has resulted in the presence on the planet of over six and a half billion of us.
Socialization: A third most important function of marriage is socialization. When the fruit of the couple’s mutual affection expressed through sexual activity results in the birth of offspring, a new job appears in the horizon to be perform together by both partners. It has been the gracious doing of the Creator to bring new human beings into the world in a state of absolute helplessness. From the moment of birth on, human beings have a complex of basic needs that most be met in love and affection for the person to develop mentally healthy.
These needs are physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. Physical care begins with the tender, thorough attention to all requirements of the infant. Emotional care is met through helping the child develop a good self-image. Here the first five years of life are crucial, when children begin to form their frames of reference. Good growing up caring experience helps children to have healthy development. On the other hand, bad experiences of neglect lead to much unhealthy development. Needless to say, giving immediate attention to developmental physical and emotional health issues contributes enormously to normal growth, ignoring such issues has the opposite effect. The physical and mental health of adults depends by far on this early parental caring mission. In addition, human beings have a sense for the metaphysical. Here the questions are why and where. Why are we in this planet? And where are we going once we leave earth? Although the formulation of these questions may not be as I introduce them, the quest remains. Parents are the persons called to facilitate the flow of information children need to answer these pertinent questions in a sensible manner.
Socialization has another aspect. Parents have the responsibility to teach their children the way of life of the society where they live and respect the ways of life of people of other societies. Developing human beings learn from their parents how to talk, dress up, relate and act among others. Parents are models to their children to the extent that children’s behavior mirrors the behavior of their parents.
The Tie that Binds
The tie that binds is dialogue. This English word was formed from two Greek words diá, which means through, and the word logos, which means word, speech, reason. Dialogue then is the capacity to communicate through logical conversation. Dialogue is the tie binding the couple in love. In addition, dialogue should be a family affair, not just a conversation between husband and wife. A person may have a dialogue with one or more persons.
To be sure, family dialogue begins at the encounter of boy and girl when they first attract each other and meet. The initial trivial conversation begins the romance that gradually develops into a formal commitment for life. Dialogue between boy and girl romantically interested in one another is non-stop. They talk, talk and talk. This is how mutuality begins. Whenever different points of view are expressed in reference to a particular issue, a harmonious, amicable resolution is sought right away. And they move on with their on-going conversation through the magical use of words, planning for their lives together. My wife and I started our dialogue over fifty years ago. It has been a non-stop dialogue about simple and most important subjects. We talk, talk and talk. This dialogue has brought us closer each day of our lives together. And we plan to continue it for the rest of our lives
Wise couples not only have an on-going dialogue among themselves after marriage, but they include their children. It is most pleasurable to watch mothers in the supermarket talking to their babies as they stroll through the isles asking them for their opinion on selecting items from the shelves and to observe babies trying to respond to their mothers. It is also enjoyable to observe fathers talk with their infant children when they walk along with them and their baby’s reaction attempting to answer back. My wife and I have practiced that relationship with our son, which we have maintained throughout his forty-seven years of life. And we continue to do so with him, his wife and our grandchildren. It has been the tie that binds creating mutuality between Elsida and me.
In summary, here is what dialogue does toward building mutuality. Dialogue binds couples in their companionship. Without dialogue, companionship is week. With dialogue, it is strong. Couples practicing dialogue always want to be together. Children of dialogue parents are not the result of a sexual accident. Rather, they are sought after and received as the fruit of their mutual love. And the socialization function of parenthood is practiced in mutual agreement. Children always receive consistent cultural information, as teaching is saturated with the care, tenderness and love of both parents.
Now a personal request. I have no way of knowing who my readers are. Please, take a moment and send me an e-mail telling me how useful was this reading to you. jcc@religiousreview.com