Three basic social institutions form the social core of each free and democratic nation. These are the family, religion and education. The first and mot important one is the family because it is the one in charged of populating the world and beginning the socialization process teaching new citizens the cultural traditions of the particular society where they reside to live in harmony with others.
Both education and religion assist the family in socializing the newborn. Education continues in a formal setting of teaching and learning the process began at home. Education starts with basic survival skills instruction and continues on with technical and professional training. Religion, on the other hand, is present in the family throughout life.
However, it is the family the primary social institution responsible for the birth, care and development of human beings. Relations in the family are face-to-face, intimate and cohesive. No other personal group has such a responsibility.
Transformation
The family has undergone much change from its inception to this day. From the Judeo-Christian tradition perspective, this basic institution is presented in the opening pages of the Book of Genesis in the Bible as a partnership between a man and a woman. The image of the Creator making man as a single entity after completing the animal kingdom in pairs appears to intend to show incompleteness. The author has God saying: “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a partner”. So, from the middle of man’s body, God takes a rib to make a “wo-man,” a counterpart, an equal. And man understood this to be the case, as the writer has man saying: “This is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones.” And later stating the importance of the family, the author further states: “For this reason, man shall leave his family of origin to join his wife and become one flesh with her” (see Genesis Chapters 1 and 2).
Unfortunately, the history of marriage does not bear this egalitarian image. Instead, through the ages women have been subordinates to man. And although conditions have improved considerably during the recent past, equality between the sexes is not yet a reality.
The Family in Perspective
The family began with the pairing of a couple of opposite sex. This arrangement continues to be the main pillar in the development of society. Yet, this one basic institution is highly threatened today. The modern family shows a lot of disorganization and dysfunction. It is the family, not education as politicians want us to believe, that carries the baton directing the destruction of society in the Western nations. All we need to do is pay attention to the mass media to verify this fact.
Now a day boy meets girl attracted by her looks, and she responds in a similar manner. Their differences come out in conversation. This causes curiosity and more attraction for each other. Soon both come to live together in marriage or out of wedlock. Since they are total strangers to one another and exhibit the differences of their upbringings, soon couples begin to have escalating conflicts ultimately ending the union. The high rate of divorce and separations we have today results from these loose marital arrangements.
But even older couples join the popular trend. Older marriages with grown-up children divorce over infidelity situations. Here are some known examples. One unfortunate day out of the blue after thirty years of marriage, a husband comes home and informs his wife that he had met some one and was leaving her to join the woman. After many years of marriage and two grown children, a man leaves his wife to permanently join another man in a homosexual relationship. A wife in a twenty year old marriage tells her husband of meeting some one over the internet and wants to divorce him to marry that person. Another couple divorced because after 25 years of good marriage, she had gone out repeatedly with other female coworkers who induced her to morally questionable theatrical plays and shows. As this behavior was totally unacceptable to her husband and she refused to give it up, the couple divorced. Many other similar stories may be told about what is going on with families. The reader may think of other divorces brought about by even different situations. Consequently, the children of recent and older families are the members suffering the most.
And what can we say about spousal abuse? Domestic violence is not a newcomer to our part of the world. The literature is full of episodes of forceful male dominance over their counterparts. The theme has been the object of countless plays and movies. During the days of the hunting and gathering societies lasting from creation until about 12 or 11, 000 years ago, the division of labor was fixed established through the millennia. Men earned the daily living and women took care of the children and ran the households. This arrangement gave man the upper hand. As the breadwinners, men controlled the power leverage. Women remained at the mercy of their counterparts. Women and children had no voice. On the other hand men ruled over both mostly mercilessly. In modern times, the abuses continue. There is no need to elaborate here. The mass media keeps us informed of the atrocities committed daily against women and children.
The Future of the Family
What will the future of the family be? If present trend continues, society will end as we know it today. The family will destroy itself; and as the family goes, so will society. Will the myriad attempts being made today through numerous programs to ease the tremendous social chaos created by the pandemonium present in family reverse the trend?
Lots of psychologists, sociologists, social workers, ministers and other behavioral workers labor to point out causes and consequence of present condition and intervene in counseling settings to repair damaged families. Countless programs run facilities to shelter women and children abused by men. While these noble efforts are commendable for addressing the problem, the state of affairs begs the question posed by an ancient prophet of Israel in reference to the social conditions of the time and the need for change: “Can the leopard change its spots?” (See Jeremiah 13:33). Will the family continue on its destructive trend?
A New Perspective
Just as a building with a good foundation will hold the heavy structure, so will a family with a sound system will make a strong functional group. To be sure, the possibilities of recovery will be high if the unit submits itself to a formal program of readjustment, leading members to play their respective assigned roles in the group. Only by practicing these individual roles will the family be able to fulfill it mission.
The family is a basic, functional human group system intended to bring forth, nurture and socialize new human beings. In this sense, the family resembles a motor. Just as the motor in an automobile is a system of combined parts assembled to function in perfect harmony to move vehicles, families are groups composed of spouses and their children living at home, if they have them, working harmoniously to develop human societies.
To better understand the origin and development of these complex human groups, let us first focus on the training of the individual. Most literature on the development of personality points to the growth of the self. Self is what the person is, thinking, feeling and believing. Self builds up in the brain as it perceives and responds to outside stimulation.
Two main initial motivators move self in its process of formation. Self seeks a pleasurable existence while avoiding unpleasurable conditions. The newborn react instinctively to the environment. They cry at birth in response to the first uncomfortable experience caused by the expulsion of birth and the slapping of the midwife to make them cry and gasp for air. Once the newborn are washed, dressed up, fed and put to bed, they sleep in the new cozy environment. Later, they wake up crying responding to some perceived uncomfortable stimulus. Once the stimulus is removed, they go back to sleep. The cycle of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain is continuously repeated throughout the life of the human being, though in a much more complex form.
During the process of socialization teaching the new citizens to adapt to the ways of life of the society where they live, individuals encounter good and bad experiences. Experiences go into their memory banks to form the respective frames of reference. Good experiences produce pleasure and happiness, bad ones suffering and unhappiness. Most researches agree that all experiences children have during the first years of their lives by far will determine how they value themselves.
Family Disorganization
Family members having bad memories of their growing up often think poorly of themselves. Perceived early abuses by parents or surrogate parents make them feel inferior. As the bad sense of personal identity torments these members, they use protection devices to cope with these feelings. Often these individuals rely on unacceptable conduct such as rebelling against parents and other significant persons in their lives. They may start drinking alcohol, using marijuana and escalating to other harmful drugs. They may engage in illegitimate sexual activities. And they may participate in a myriad other bad behaviors much of which results in arrest, conviction and incarceration.
Moreover, families whose members live in constant conflict with each other seem to posses a collective inferiority complex, which members express through mutual aggression. Each family member complains of the behavior of the rest of the group members. Husband and wife get mad at each other for alleged unbecoming conduct. Parents become angry over the actions of their children, and the children for the demeanor of the parents. And their aggressive behavior frequently spills over into their social relations.
Building the Family
The task of building a family is long and difficult. It is for life. It requires a great effort and skill. The more time and care is invested on the job, the better the quality of the building will be. I am speaking to the functional as well as the dysfunctional family. The former may benefit enormously from the suggestions offered in following articles, the latter definitely needs to appropriate the information contained in those pages, because this family is still in time to save its existence.
THE MISSION OF THE FAMILY AND THE FUTURE OF THE NATION By J. C Cordova, D.Min., LCSW