Whenever two love birds sign the contract of matrimony, we say: “They were made for each other,” or we say: “This is a marriage made in heaven, or: “These birds of a feather are now flocking together,” or:”Finally, these two soul mates are bonded as one.”
But since the good Lord made us all different, marriage may be better defined as the gathering of two strangers to live in intimacy, in a face-to-face relationship for good. When love birds first come together, they begin to identify common things of mutual interest to converse. They even find communality where there is none. These, of course, are polite actions prompted by mutual physical attraction. In fact, they may not even be aware of their differences.
Many couples sign their marriage contracts while holding such relationships. Now the sudden intimacy turns a previous nice interaction into a nasty one. Frequently, this undesirable condition is resolved by parting company. Frankly, many marriages should have never taken place, because of their obvious differences. However, many other could be saved if only the couples in question would be willing to work under the guidance of a professional marriage counselor to heal their relationships to live together in peace and harmony.
The above discussion begs the question: “What can love birds do to determine if they should be married? And what can young married couples do to stay together for life, as traditional marriage vows demand? First, it is important to recognize that each love bird comes from a different nest. And regardless of resemblance, all nests are different. Customs differ from family to family, each having unique peculiarities and subtleties unintelligible to outsiders, which only emerge in a face-to-face, intimate relationship. It is an exclusive way of life each party brings to the relationship requiring much understanding. He must be sensitive to her character traits, and she must be as sensitive to his.
Second, it is crucial for couples to define mutuality in marriage beyond physical attraction and infatuation. Mutuality in couple’s relations is complete affinity including physical, intellectual, emotional and religious aspects. Both persons in the pre-marital or marital relationship think feel and believe differently. And the first rule of engagement must be to understand, respect and accept the other person’s life perspective. ____
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